#1 What Is A Toxic Relationship?
A healthy relationship doesn’t always require constant attention or maintenance. It’s just there. Sometimes disagreements happen and there may be some issues that pop up, but overall you get along well, share ideas openly, and genuinely enjoy each others’ company. Toxic relationships are different from healthy ones. If you’re constantly feeling drained or unhappy after spending any amount of time with your partner, there may be something you need to address.
Your relationship may feel less pleasurable than before you tried to change things, but you still love your partner. You keep having arguments even though nothing ever seems to get resolved. Seeing them may actually cause you to feel bad for having seen them before.
Here, we’ll look at certain warning signs that point towards toxicity in relationships. We’ll then cover what you need to know if you notice any of these warning signs in yourself or your partners. (Burayı güzelleştir)
Contents of Article:
- #1 What Is A Toxic Relationship?
- #2 How Can You Tell If A Person Is Toxic In A Relationship?
- #2.1 Trust issues
- #2.2 Hostility in communication
- #2.3 Behaviors control
- #2.4 Lie often
- #2.5. All takes, none gives
- #2.6 You feel worn out
- #2.7 You’re making an excuse for their bad behaviour
- #2.8 Envy or jealousy is when someone
- #2.9 Resentment
- #2.10 Dishonesty
- #2.11 Patterns of disrespect
- #2.12 Financial misbehavior
- #2.13 Stressful situations
- #2.14 Not taking into account your needs
- #2.15 Lost relationships
- #2.16 Self-care is important
- #2.17 Hoping for change
- #2.18 Walking on eggshells
- #3 Types of Toxic Relationships
- #4 It Seems Like I’m In A Toxic Relationship | Should I Stay or Should I Go?
- #5 How to Fix a Toxic Relationship?
#2 How Can You Tell If A Person Is Toxic In A Relationship?
Serious warning signals may involve any sort of physical, verbal, emotional, sexual, financial, or other forms of abuse or harassment, which must be dealt with quickly. So watch out for these signs of a toxic relationship before things get too serious.
If you are wondering if your relationship is toxic, these signals will help you determine the toxic level of your relationship.
#2.1 Trust issues
You need a partner who knows everything there is to know about you, who accepts you for who you are, and whom you can trust completely. Without mutual trust, none of these things will be possible.
When I see people in long lasting relationships, there is a sense of safety that they have because of the stability in their relationships. If there is no trust between partners, then the feeling of safety and safety cannot be found.
#2.2 Hostility in communication
Overt forms of aggressive communication include insults, belittling remarks, threats, put downs, name calling, blaming, lying, yelling, or:
- Breaking or throwing things,
- Screaming,
- Calling someone names or using other hurtful words,
- Intimidating someone by using your physical size.
#2.3 Behaviors control
You don’t need anyone else to control your decisions or beliefs but yourself. A common controlling behavior people engage in is threats of losing their jobs, finances, or time with their children or friends.
These threats scare people into staying in an unhealthy relationship even though they want the relationship to end.
Other common symptoms of controlling behavior include:
- Telling you what to do,
- Requiring access to your own device, such as your phone or computer,
- Separating yourself from family members or friends by moving away for an extended period of time,
- Threatening to report you,
- Trying to manage your budget,
- Needing to know every detail of where you go and who you see,
- Behaving as if you don’t know what they’re talking about.
#2.4 Lie often
Lies even if they’re really small tend to become true.
If a partner has lied to you previously, then it means they don’t value your relationship enough for them to be honest with you now.
Lying to your mate means you’re loyal to yourself, not your partner.
#2.5. All takes, none gives
If your relationship tends to revolve around what makes your partner feel good rather than what makes you happy, it could be a symptom of toxic relationships.
If you’re not willing to set limits for yourself, then perhaps it’s time you start thinking about the kind of person you’d like to be.
Signs of a one-sided relationship include:
- Conversational styles that aren’t smooth,
- Being the first person to send a text message,
- You’re always telling him/her to change his/her behavior but he/she doesn’t listen,
- There’s a significant imbalance in the workload, responsibilities, or contributions to the relationship or household,
- A long gap between sending a text and receiving a reply.
#2.6 You feel worn out
Instead of thinking about doing any of these things, think about the last thing you did for yourself, spent some quality alone together with someone you care about, or fell asleep without feeling anxious, nervous, stressed out, or filled with dread.
It’s helpful to look at how your relationships outside of the relationship and within the relationship have been altered by the break up. Usually, neglecting these things has led to neglecting yourself. Too little time and mental energy spent on toxic people means too much time and energy spent on them indirectly through the repercussions of their toxicity.
Shift some of your attention away from taking so much time for yourself and focus instead on taking better of yourself. Do something nice for her/himself. If they respond negatively to your request, that means there’s something wrong with your relationship.
#2.7 You’re making an excuse for their bad behaviour
If you’re often forced into a position to justify your choices, you might be addicted to power and control.
It’s easy to fall into the trap of thinking “I don’t understand him/her.” A trusted outside perspective, such as a close personal acquaintance who knows you well, may help you better understand why he/she acts the way they do.
#2.8 Envy or jealousy is when someone
It’s perfectly normal to feel jealous sometimes; however, envy can be problematic when your jealousy prevents you from focusing on your own success.
Jealousy is no different from envy. Yes, it’s normal for humans to feel emotions. However, if it leads to constant suspicions and distrust between friends and family members, it can rapidly lead to erosion within your relationships.
#2.9 Resentment
Holding on to grudge and allowing them to fester chipped away at our relationship.
Over time, anger or resentment can cause small gaps between you and another person to become larger.
Also note, if you’re prone to complaining but not voicing your complaints, whether you don’t feel safe expressing yourself when something upsets you. Your partner may not be trustworthy enough for you to believe him if he says “I care about you” when he doesn’t act on his words.
#2.10 Dishonesty
You often lie to cover up for where you’ve been, whom you’ve met, etc., whether that be because you don’t feel comfortable telling your partner the truth, or because you’re afraid he/she might not approve of you having these friends.
#2.11 Patterns of disrespect
If you’re chronically late, casually “forget” important events, and other behaviors showing disrespect for your time, then you may be dealing with a toxic relationship.
Remember that not everyone struggles with sticking to their plans on time. So, if you’re having trouble doing that, talk about it first. When it comes to explaining your problem, if it isn’t intentional, you may notice an improvement once you’ve explained why it bothers you.
#2.12 Financial misbehavior
Often when couples share their financial situation, they agree on how they’ll split up their expenses and savings. It’s not necessarily toxic for one partner to choose to spend their own funds on things they don’t agree with.
If you’ve agreed on a financial plan for yourself and one of your partners consistently breaks that plan, whether by buying expensive things or taking out lots of cash, it may become toxic.
#2.13 Stressful situations
While ordinary day-to-day life challenges may indeed cause some stress in your relationship, these challenges are not likely to result in any lasting damage (unless you let them). However, if you feel edgy all the time, even when you’re not under stress, then it may be an indication that there’s some unhealthy stuff going on inside your mind.
Stress has been linked to anxiety, depression, poor sleep quality, heart disease, cancer, diabetes, and even suicide.
#2.14 Not taking into account your needs
If going along with your partner’s wishes or needs regardless of whether you want to or not shows that he or she has the most influence over you, then he or she is toxic — and that makes him or her an abuser.
If she plans a trip where you’ll be away from her for her mother’s bday, let her know ahead of time. When you told them which dates worked best for you, though, you stressed that any days were fine — so long as you didn’t forget their mother’s birthday on the 17th!
Don’t bring up the fact that you’re not doing something because you don’t want to get into an argument.
#2.15 Lost relationships
You’ve stopped spending time with your loved ones because you don’t want to be forced to talk about your relationship.
If you’re having trouble finding ways to spend your free energy, you could be focusing too much on your partner (or worrying too much about your relationships).
#2.16 Self-care is important
If you’re in a toxic relationship, you may be tempted to give up your usual self-care practices.
If you’re not careful, you may stop doing things you used to enjoy, neglect your physical well-being, and waste your free hours. This could be happening because you’re not having enough energy for these activities or your partner doesn’t approve when you do things on your own time.
#2.17 Hoping for change
You may stay in the current situation for various reasons including remembering how much fun you had when you first started dating. If you believe that changing yourself and your actions will make them better, then maybe you’re right.
#2.18 Walking on eggshells
By exposing your fears, you may be worried that you’ll trigger an emotional reaction from your partner when they hear about them, which might cause significant tension between you. So, instead, you hold back and don’t discuss anything in particular with him/her.
#3 Types of Toxic Relationships
Even a good relationship can have brief periods of behaviors that we could call toxic on the part of either partner. Humans, after all, are imperfect. Very few of us have ever received any training on how to relate to each other. We often have to figure things out as we go along, trying to make sense of what works and what doesn’t. Hopefully, our basic styles of relating to significant people – often learned from our families and/or friends – are at least somewhat effective.
As mentioned above, one way to define a toxic relationship is when dysfunctional behavior becomes the normal state of affairs for both partners. To outsiders, the toxic person may behave in an exemplary manner.
Here’s an important: As long as the person who has been physically violent toward you continues to be abusive, whether verbally, psychologically, emotionally, or even sexually, they may continue to hurt you. Don’t tolerate any kind of mistreatment from them. Get out immediately if you feel threatened; you don’t need to wait until something bad happens before taking action.
A toxic individual is driven by one goal: To remain completely in charge and to exert absolute influence over every aspect of his or her life. In a healthy partnership, each member respects and values the opinions of the other, and both partners act within these boundaries. Partners share equal rights and responsibilities and respect each others’ ideas without imposing theirs on them. They also appreciate the value of compromise and seek ways to find common ground rather than insist upon their own positions. Toxic individuals can often mask their negative characteristics by presenting themselves as charming and likable, thus causing unsuspecting people to believe that the toxic individual is trustworthy and dependable. However, behind closed doors, their controlling nature comes out and they make demands that are unreasonable and selfish.
With the above in view, let us see how these kinds of dysfunctional behaviors might manifest themselves in a marriage or other close personal bond. First, we’ll consider some of the more common forms of controlling behavior a toxic person may employ in an attempt to control another person. Then we’ll move on to other forms of dysfunction that can occur in a toxic situation.
To be clear, I am using the term “victims” here in the colloquial sense, meaning people who get hurt by others’ bad behaviors. In reality, these individuals are not victims, at least not in any way that makes them helpless.
#3.1 Deprecator-Belittler
This type of toxic person will try and belittle you in every possible situation. They will mock you, insult you, criticize you and undermine you. A toxic mate will not shy away from putting down your opinions in front of others. Even though you may ask them to stop, they will do so anyway, because they feel it gives them control. The toxic mate will also pretend that everything they say is meant in jest, and that they are only trying to get under your skin. But, they aren’t joking — they really mean it, and what they are actually telling you is that they hate you and don’t respect you.
Most men or women who are emotionally abusive will usually tell you that they are just trying to help you out by saying nice things about you. Their goal is to make sure that you don’t think too highly of yourself because you deserve nothing but abuse from them.
#3.2 The “Bad Temper” Toxic Partner
These people tend to be emotionally unstable, and their partners often describe them as walking on eggshells. They constantly feel they must watch out for any sign of anger from their partners. This constant need for alertness and the inability to predict when their partners might get angry takes its toll on both their emotional and physical well-being.
It’s notable that this kind of emotionally abusive partner rarely displays this side to the outside. Almost no-on would call their relationship “toxic,” which means they’re often seen by others as a pleasant, easygoing person who most people enjoy.
If you confront someone who has an inappropriate anger problem, they will almost always claim that it was your actions that triggered them to act inappropriately. They will often say something like “I didn’t mean to be so angry” or “You made me so mad.”
#3.3 The Guilt-Inducer
A toxic relationship can, of course, take place not just within a committed couple but also between close family members such as parents and grown kids. Control in these friendships is exerted through inducement of guilt in the “friend” who is being controlled. Guilt is induced by encouraging you to feel bad about yourself whenever you do something the controlling person disapproves of. Frequently they’ll get others to pass along their feelings of disapproval or hurt to you. For example your dad calls up to tell you that mommy is so upset because you didn’t go visit her today.
Guilts are induced by both controlling and temporarily “removing” them if you end up doing something they want you to do. For people who get easily controlled by guilts, any person or thing that removes them is extremely desirable and potentially almost addictive, so the guilty party has an extremely powerful means for controlling others.
In addition to being able to induce guilt in others, adults also can be induced to feel guilty themselves. A good way to do this is to ask yourself what you would say to someone else if they were doing something wrong. Then imagine how you might react if you did not know you had done nothing wrong. You may find yourself feeling guilty about things you have no reason to feel bad about.
It may be hard for you to admit, but your significant other has probably tried to manipulate you into doing something you don’t want to do. If you feel guilty after making a bad choice, ask yourself why you felt guilty. Did someone else pressure you into doing something you didn’t want to? Or did you just choose poorly because you weren’t thinking clearly? You should think about it.
#3.4 The Overreactor/Deflector
When someone tries to make you feel guilty for having done something right (like giving good advice), you can either get defensive or go along with it. In both cases, you’ll end up feeling resentful towards your partner because you feel like you should have just listened to him/her in the first place.
Another variation on this theme is when someone tries to blame you for something bad that happened to them because they’re angry at you.
The deflector is surprised that the new piece of advice you’re offering conflicts with their self-image. They feel embarrassed for having been wrong about themselves. So they ask you if you really think they’re good enough. If you answer honestly, they might be able to use your honesty against you by convincing you that you don’t actually believe them. Instead, they may offer you a compliment disguised as a question: “Do you really think I’m good enough?” Then they’ll tell you that they know you must have something else to say because they’ve heard from others that you’re not happy with yourself.
#3.5 The Over-Dependent Partner
Toxic relationships require active participation from both partners. If you’re in an unhealthy relationship, chances are good that you’re doing something wrong too. You might think that if you do everything right, then your partner should behave properly. But that’s not how it works. Your partner needs to take responsibility for his or her own actions. When you try to help your partner change, he or she will likely resent you for interfering.
Passive behavior can be a very effective way to exert control over others. When you’re involved with someone who exhibits passive behavior, you may constantly feel anxious and/or fatigued because you worry about their reaction to your actions and are exhausted by making virtually every choice for them.
Separate from your partner’s own stress or exhaustion, it’s important to recognize the source of his/her influence here. This kind of toxic relationship, by nature, may depend upon your partner’s attempt to exert undue influence through fear. The journal of neuroscience has revealed that the prefrontal cortex enables us to be flexible in decision-makers while logically weighing the consequences between two choices. Anxiousness “disengages” brain cells and may contribute to your partner’s insistence that he/she has all the power, and thus all the responsibility, in any potential mistake.
#3.6 The “Independent” (Non-Dependable) Toxic Controller
This person often claims he or she is independent, but really is just trying to manipulate others into doing things for him or her. He or she may claim that he or she doesn’t depend on anyone else, but actually does so by being unreliable. These people will seldom keep their promises. What they are really doing is manipulating you by creating uncertainty about whether they will follow through on something. Toxic people will tell you they will call you, they will go out with you, but then they don’t. Usually, there is an explanation, but they simply don’t keep their word. In this relationship, “toxic” refers to someone who controls you by making it difficult for you to plan ahead.
The most common types of relationships are those between people who are married, cohabiting, engaged, or in a civil partnership. These are known as “domestic” relationships. In these relationships, both partners share responsibilities and rights equally. They may also share assets (such as property) and debts. Domestic relationships include same sex partnerships, polyamory, polygamy, and incestuous relationships.
#3.7 The User
Users – especially at the start of an online business relationships – can be tough to deal with. They’ll constantly demand things out of you, often without being grateful for what you’ve done or even showing any appreciation whatsoever. That said, once your users begin to understand how valuable they are, they may actually be pretty easy to work with. In fact, they should be treated as partners instead of enemies or simply resources.
Actually, there’s no need to feel guilty. A truly adept user never forces you into anything. If you ever get the feeling that he has forced you into anything that isn’t good for you, then simply walk away from him. He won’t be mad at you because he knows that everything you did was good for both of you.
As long as you’re not actually engaging with them on an ongoing basis, staying in a relationship with someone won’t be worth the cost.
#3.8 The Possessive (Paranoid) Toxic Controller
These types of people are usually pretty good at first, but then become jealous and controlling when they realize that you’re seeing someone else. They often say things like “I don’t want anyone else” or “You’re mine.” Don’t believe it at all.
Toxic people can often be found lurking around corners, watching you from afar. They’re constantly checking your phone, tracking your movements, and spying on you through your window. They might even try to get into your house, so keep an eye out for strange cars parked outside your place. You should also be aware that these people could potentially use technological tools to spy on you. For example, they could install a keylogger on your computer or smartphone to record every single thing you type.
You may think that trying to convince someone who has a problem with jealousy to stop being jealous would be futile. However, if you remain in a relationship with such a person, you will no longer live your own life.
#4 It Seems Like I’m In A Toxic Relationship | Should I Stay or Should I Go?
If it’s toxic then it’s not working for you and it’s time for you to move on. Make an honest assessment of where the relationship started and where you began. Think about whether you can manage this person without feeling bad. Is it possible? Can you keep yourself safe? Are you ready to let go? Do you feel strong enough to do so? Take stock of what is okay and what is not. Above all else, remember that you are wonderful and whole. Don’t allow anyone to tell you otherwise.
#5 How to Fix a Toxic Relationship?
If everyone is open to changing, there are some things you can do to help manage a toxic relationship. Setting healthy boundaries and working on yourself are two good examples.
Here are six tips to help you deal with a toxic partner:
#5.1 Have Open & Honest Conversations
Open, healthy communication with your significant other about how you feel and what you want in the future. Sharing the load and having these discussions together increases cohesiveness between partners. The best times for having these conversations are when you’re physically and emotionally rested and relaxed.
#5.2 Stop Dwelling On The Past
Reflection allows us to understand ourselves better. It helps us see patterns and avoid repeating our prior errors. So we can use reflection to help us get unstuck when we’re unable to stop thinking negatively. But be careful not to dwell too long on the negative. That would just perpetuate old habits—in either direction!
#5.3 View Your Partner With Respect For Their Pain And Feelings
We know you’re not perfect and we also aren’t asking you to be someone else. But if you are having trouble understanding what’s happening today, try giving yourself an extra minute or two before reacting. That could mean a lot to you and to your relationship. And who knows? Maybe you’ll say something you didn’t intend to say, and you might learn something new about each other along the way.
#5.4 Take Responsibility for Your Part
After reading this article, you probably realize that your partner is not only lying to you, but also may have an underlying psychological disorder. When dealing with abusers, it is important to understand what type of abuser you’re dealing with; however, you should know that every person who abuses his/her spouse might not fit into one particular category. You cannot tell just by listening to them talk or by watching how they behave. Most people can easily change and if they really love you, they would want to fix things with you. They would not intentionally harm you or their children.
They would want to change so that they could be happy again. Abusers often lie about the reasons why they abuse you. These lies are designed to make you feel guilty for being angry with them. Even though they are abusive, they believe that they are justified because they think that they are doing what is best for you. They justify their actions by saying that you deserve it after all of the problems that you caused. If your partner was willing to change, he/she wouldn’t feel the need to cover up the behaviors that cause you pain. He/She wouldn’t keep secrets from you. Your partner would be willing to apologize sincerely for any wrongdoings that he/she committed against you. In order to help your partner realize this, you must encourage him/her to seek professional assistance
#5.5 Talk to a Therapist
Therapy is very effective at helping people deal with relational difficulties and stress caused by them. First identifying the root causes of a problem or feeling is the best way to overcome a difficult situation. Therapy enables you to learn strategies to cope better with a bad experience or expectation.
You might want to talk to a couple’s therapist if you feel there is something wrong in your relationship. If you think you could benefit from talking to someone about your relationship issues, then a couple’s counselor would be an excellent choice.
#5.6 Remember That No One Else Has to Change But You
I agree that it can be hard to let go of our past behaviors if they’ve worked well enough before. But we must not keep letting them control us in the present. We can start by shifting our attention to what we need to do next. And then we shift our focus to how feeling good about what we’re doing right now feels to us. That doesn’t stop the feelings of discomfort that come along with being uncomfortable with an issue – but it does help us to move forward in a way that supports our growth instead of holding onto the past.
Toxic relationships are extremely hard to handle, but once you recognize what needs to be changed, you can either get out of them or learn to live with them. If you do it either way, you’re going to learn something new every time. Popular some therapists explains, “As long as we recognize our own health and wellbeing really matter, we’re already halfway there. It’s the rest of the way that counts.”
