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Relationship insecurity refers to an individual’s feelings about their relationships with others. This can be caused by various factors including lack of self-esteem, low self-confidence, anxiety, stress, depression, loneliness, fear, jealousy, envy, anger, resentment, guilt, shame, embarrassment, humiliation, rejection, abandonment, betrayal, disappointment, grief, sadness, loss, and regret.
What is Relationship Insecurity?
Relationship insecurity means you’re unsure and unconfident about your relationship. It’s a deep belief that you just aren’t good enough for your partner, that you don’t deserve love or one of many other limiting beliefs that cause you to feel anxious. You may doubt your own value and have a low sense of self-worth. You may even be living in a state of fear, always worrying about what your partner is doing when they’re not with you.
Insecurities in a relationship often stem from your past, and now you are letting your past control your future. Insecure people don’t always appear that way – in fact, overconfidence and narcissism can actually be signs of deep insecurity. Feelings of insecurity run so deep, we may not even recognize them ourselves, but there are a few key signs.
Signs of Insecurities In A Relationship
If you are looking for a way to tell if you are in an insecure relationship, you can follow the signals below:
You’re not sure if he likes you back
If you’re unsure if your partner wants to go out with you again, then chances are they probably don’t. If you’ve been dating someone for some length of time and still aren’t sure if they like you, then something’s definitely wrong. There shouldn’t be any doubt in their mind that you want to go out with them. If they do have any concerns, then they may just be too scared to say so. So, what does that imply? Well, it implies that you must take matters into your own hand.
He doesn’t call you often enough
This could either mean he doesn’t want to talk to you anymore or that he just hasn’t talked to you recently. Either way, you should know. If you haven’t spoken to him in awhile, then you should call him and see what’s wrong. Ask him if everything is alright. If he says yes, then you know she really does care about you. If he says no, then you’ll have to figure out why.
He never asks you out
If you’re trying to get your boyfriend or relative to ask you out, then you might wonder whether they really like you. But if they haven’t asked you out yet, then you should probably find out what’s holding them back. Perhaps they’re shy or perhaps they just want to keep things casual. Either way, you’ll want to figure out why they aren’t asking you out so you can fix whatever problem exists.
He always seems to be busy
He may not be constantly busy with work, school, and him hobbies. However, if he is always doing these activities while you’re together, then you should talk about it. Ask him what’s going on and whether he prefers spending time with you than anyone or something else. If he says yes, then you can tell that your relationship is heading towards trouble.
He keeps secrets from you
You might suspect that your friend is hiding something from you, but if he doesn’t tell you about it, then you should ask him directly. Ask your friend why he hasn’t told you about whatever it is that he wants to keep secret. If your friend tells you that he doesn’t want to talk about it, then you can respect his wishes. Don’t try to force your friend into talking about whatever it is that bothers him.
He talks down to you
You’ve been seeing your boyfriend for quite some time now. During those times, you’ve noticed that they’re not exactly treating you the same way they used to. They talk down to you, and if you try to tell them how you feel, they get angry. If you continue to see them, you’ll only make yourself miserable. So, what do you do? Well, you should definitely talk to them about it. Tell them that you don’t appreciate being talked down to, and ask them why they act so mean towards you. If they don’t stop, then you should break things off.
He lies to you
When confronted with a liar, it is best to remain calm and not react emotionally. You can ask them why they lied to you. They may tell you that they didn’t mean to deceive you. However, if they admit that they did lie to you, you know that you were correct all along.
This is one of those things that can happen in any kind of relationships. Sometimes people get jealous because they think something is happening between their partners and someone else. But if you’re really worried about what your partner is doing, then maybe you should talk to them about it. You might find out that nothing is actually going on. Or you could just ask them how they feel about it.
Causes of Relationship Insecurity
Rejected one too many times. Or your partner really betrayed you or mistreated you terribly recently. Your family relationship issues may cause you to feel insecure about your self-worth. But ultimately, you can choose whether to believe what others say about you. And if you find yourself feeling insecure about your relationship, you can take steps to improve things.
The real root of insecurity is a sense of unworthiness. We may present an image of confidence, but inside, we feel inadequate and undeserving. And because we’re not worthy, we sabotage ourselves and our life. It becomes a vicious cycle that we can’t get out of, but we can.
A previous relationship was unpleasant
If someone has been in an unhealthy relationship before they enter a new one, they may be holding on to negative feelings from past experiences and carrying them into their current relationships.
When someone doesn’t emotionally process and work through his or her reactions to an unhealthy relationship, he or she may instead enter a new relationship. These individuals often project their unresolved traumas or emotional baggage onto their partners without adequate justifications.
If people who lack self-esteem feel insecure in their relationships, they may be afraid that their partners won’t care for them if they don’t meet certain standards.
Being bullied, teased, or physically or emotionally abused by caregivers can cause you to feel different from others or not be accepted by them. These negative feelings may lead to low self-esteem and an unhealthy attitude toward relationships.
Because insecurity causes you to act defensively and lose your partner, your fear of losing your relationship can lead to you behaving aggressively and driving him away.
Neglect or Mistreatment
Those who have experienced chronic neglect or abuse often feel insecure in their relationships because they’ve had few opportunities to be treated well by others.
Social anxiety affects everyone differently. Some people may feel anxious at times when they’re meeting new people, but others may be so overwhelmed by their fear that they avoid any situation where they might meet someone new.
Social phobia can lead you to be overly critical and distrustful of others’ motives and behaviors.
If people do find satisfying and healthy romantic partnerships, this could cause them to feel fearful of losing these partners because it wasn’t always guaranteed or freely given in their previous experiences.
How to Stop Relationship Insecurity?
Do you ever feel like you’re being badgered for attention? Or do you constantly nag your significant other for more affection? Perhaps you’ve asked your mate if they’d spend more quality alone-times with a co-worker who’s only a friend. These are all signs of insecure behavior in a relationship.
People often feel jealous and insecure in relationships, even when they are deeply in love with their partners. Whether you’re in an early stage of a relationship or a long-term one, here’s everything you should know about how to stop feeling insecure in a relationship.
If you’re experiencing insecurity, it’s probably because you haven’t been dealing with whatever is causing you to experience negativity. It might be that your needs aren’t being fulfilled by your relationship, or maybe it has to do with something outside of your union, like a fear of the unknown or lack of self-esteem. Whatever the case may be, the most important thing is to figure out why you’re experiencing insecurity so you can begin to overcome it.
Here is the best ways for how to stop relationship insecurity:
Start with self-love
The core cause of insecurities in a relationship is often a lack of self-love. If one partner holds on to harmful limiting beliefs, like being afraid of failure or thinking that they don’t deserve love, they won’t be able to trust completely – and trust is the foundation of any relationship. To work on self-love, first identify and overcome your limiting beliefs. Learn to interrupt negative patterns of self-talk. Take steps to build your confidence and turn your life into a journey of discovery, not distrust and suspicion.
Learn to communicate effectively
Communication is key in all areas of life – and that’s especially true if you’re feeling insecure in a relationship. To really discover how to stop being insecure in a relationship, the best thing you can do is effectively communicate with your partner. How does your partner communicate? What’s their communication style? You can talk things over repeatedly, but unless you’re truly connecting with your partner on their level, it will be challenging to resolve lingering issues.
If you want your relationship is toxic or not, read my Guide to Identifying Toxic Relationships | Toxic Relationship articles.
Meet each other’s needs
Feeling insecure in a relationship is often a symptom that certain needs aren’t being met. There are six basic human needs that affect every single person on the planet. We all strive to feel certain that we can avoid pain and gain pleasure; we crave variety in life; we want to feel significant; connection to others is essential and growth and contribution help us find fulfillment. Each person ranks these needs in a different way. Which one is most important to you? Is your relationship helping to fulfill this need? If not, how can you improve the relationship to feel more loved and supported?
Balance your polarity
In every relationship there is one partner with a masculine energy and another with feminine energy. These energies don’t have to align with genders, but opposing forces need to be present in order to find romantic harmony. This concept is called polarity. If you’re feeling insecure in a relationship, you and your partner may not be in balance. If both partners take on masculine or feminine traits, it can cause insecurities to arise. Look at how your roles have changed over time. How can you restore polarity and banish insecurity?
Act like you’re a new couple
When you start dating someone new, the energy is electrifying. You want to learn everything about your partner and be physically close to them whenever possible. Over time, this spark fades. As you become better acquainted with your partner, the fireworks you first felt start to fizzle. You become comfortable in your habits and stop needing to impress. Insecurities in a relationship can surface when your partner feels that you’re no longer making an effort or that your attraction is fading. Bring back the passion in your relationship and act like you did when you started dating. Compliment your partner. Plan surprising dates. Write them love notes. These small acts can reignite the passion and squash insecurities.
Create new stories
Mistakes are made in even the happiest relationships, but sustainable relationships are able to leave those mistakes in the past. What are you and your partner dealing with? No matter if you’ve previously fought over finances or flirtations, if you’re deciding to move forward as a couple then it’s time to leave those old stories behind. Instead of insisting that your partner always does something that irritates you, shift your mindset. Accept your partner for who they are and decide to create a beautiful new story together instead of reliving past pain, and you’ll learn how to stop being insecure in a relationship.
What does insecure mean? It has nothing to do with outside forces. All of your insecurities in a relationship start in your own head. Your thoughts affect your emotions, and your emotions affect your actions. When you let anxious thoughts spiral out of control, that’s when you lash out at your partner, become defensive or shut down. Stop these feelings before they start by learning to control your emotions. Keep your partner’s actions in perspective – everyone talks to the opposite sex, wants to go out with their friends and needs alone time once in a while. This doesn’t reflect badly on you. It means you’re in a normal, healthy relationship.
If you need tips in your social life, you can check out the Hot Girl Lifestyle category.
Don’t spend too much time on social media
They say comparison is the thief of joy. Nowhere can this be truer than on social media. Beach babes with their rock-hard abs, flawless skin and enviable social lives abound, leaving the rest of us mere mortals wondering what the hell are lives are.
Not to mention, social media is the main way of stalking your partner’s exes, if you’re that way inclined. This is not healthy behaviour and certainly won’t help you get over your insecurities.
Trust yourself and your partner
It will come as a shock to no one when I say that trust is the key to happy, healthy relationships. Trust not only means sharing your deepest secrets with your partner without worrying that they’re going to blab them to anyone who will listen, but it also brings you comfort in knowing that they mean what they say… that they’re not going to betray or hurt you.
Both partners can practice trust by living up to their word, being emotionally and physically present in the relationship, and by being accountable to each other. It’s also important to trust your own instincts. If your partner has never given you a reason to distrust them, then don’t. However, if you feel a deep needling at your core telling you something just isn’t right, trust your gut!
If your partner says they want to hang out just with their friends one night and without you, don’t take this as a personal slight. Not everything your partner does is meant to hurt you in some way. Just like them falling asleep before you have the chance to have sex doesn’t mean they’re cheating or uninterested – it probably means they’re tired.
For your sanity, take your partner at their word. Not everything action has a menacing thought behind it.
Give your partner space
For a healthy relationship you need to be willing and able to give your mate room to breathe. When they feel smothered or threatened, they may lash out. They might withdraw emotionally, stop communicating, or start acting coldly toward you. You’ll probably notice these changes before they happen, so try to take note of any signs that your loved one is getting upset. Then, do something nice for them. Give them a hug, send them flowers, or make them dinner. Letting someone else into your world helps them see that you care about them. And if you really want to keep your relationship strong, you should let them into yours too.
Talk about your feelings with a friend
You don’t want to be lonely, so get some people who care about you together and share your inner most secrets and fears with them.
Not only will sharing your worries help relieve some of the stress you feel, but your friends will also be able to talk about their own personal struggles in overcoming these issues.
Focus on baby steps
You shouldn’t expect to overcome your insecurities and build up your self-confidence overnight. Be patient with yourself and don’t give up when things aren’t going according to plan.
Even if you aren’t feeling confident today, the small steps you’re taking now will eventually turn into bigger ones and help you continue to move forward.
Work with a therapist
Talking to a qualified therapist can help clarify your fears and insecurities by helping you understand where they came from. They can also give you some helpful techniques for dealing with difficult circumstances.